Older and Newer
by Bobby South
Summary: Well, here it is - the long-awaited 'Family Guy' version of 'Toy Story 2'. Another story of combining a great animated series and a great animated movie together! Not to mention including characters from 'American Dad' and 'The Cleveland Show'.
1. Intro

Family Guy Presents:

'Older And Newer'

Here is the second and my personal favourite of the three – _Toy Story 2_.

Note: I own nothing. _Family Guy, American Dad! _and _The Cleveland Show _all belong to the ingenious Seth MacFarlane and _Toy Story_ belongs the king of CGI movies: Pixar!

**Cast List**

Toys

Glenn Quagmire as Woody

Cleveland Brown as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz Lightyear

Donna Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Jessie

Rallo Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Bullseye

Carter Pewterschmidt as Stinky Peter the Prospector

Peter Griffin as Mr. Potato Head

Lois Griffin as Mrs. Potato Head

Chris Griffin as Rex

Brian Griffin as Slinky Dog

Carl as Hamm

Neil Goldman as Wheezy

Erine the Giant Chicken as Evil Emperor Zurg

Mort Goldman as Lenny

Jillian as Bo Peep

Phineas and Barnaby as Rocky and Barnaby Gibraltar

Steve as RC

Tom Tucker as Etch

Captain Monty (from _American Dad!_) as Mr. Spell

Seamus as Mr. Shark

Santos and Pasqual as Snake and Robot

A Barrow of Evil Monkeys

Stan Smith (from _American Dad!_) as Sarge

Jeremy as Aliens

Connie D'Amico, Lisa, Hayley Smith (from _American Dad!_), Lisa Silver (from _Aemrican Dad!_), Lindsay Coolidge (from _American Dad!_) and Roberta Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as the Al's Toy Barn's Barbie dolls

Meg Griffin as Tour Guide Barbie

Humans and Animals

Johnny Collins (from _American Dad!_) as Andy

Olivia as Molly

Lisa Collins (from _American Dad!_) as Andy's Mom

Jeff Fischer (from _American Dad!)_ as Buster

Herbert the Pervert as Geri the Cleaner

Adam West as Al McWhiggin

Barb Hanson as Emily

* * *

At Quahog Waves, the town's water park, the Griffins were having fun. They were joined by Quagmire and the Swansons. Even Cleveland Brown and his family joined them.

Peter tried to slide down the really big slide, but he got stuck.

Up above him, Quagmire and Cleveland looked fed up.

"This is the last slide in the whole park and he still gets stuck!" snapped Quagmire.

"This is the twenty-seventh out of the twenty-seven waterslides in this park," pointed out Cleveland. "Still I suppose being up here is better than where Joe was."

Cleveland was right. Joe was on a ring on the lazy river. "THIS IS THE EIGHTY-NINTH TIME I'VE BEEN AROUND THE LAZY RIVER AND I'M GOING CRAZY!" he yelled.

Lois, Bonnie and Donna were on deckchairs catching sun, while Chris and Cleveland Jr were catching up on their junk food diets. Roberta was making the most out of the park with a lot of male peers whereas all Meg was doing was getting picked on, drowning even.

Stewie and Rallo were in the baby pool. "I say, man!" snapped Rallo. "We're two smart guys, yet everyone treats us like we're toddlers."

"I know," agreed Stewie. "But what can we do? Our mothers will catch us if we try to escape. We come here to have fun, but instead we have to sit here and get skin cancer."

"It'll be better when we leave!" moaned Rallo.

"Sorry to say this, Rallo," said Donna, as she picked him up, "but it's time to go home."

"Don't be!" cried Rallo happily.

"Oh, finally!" sighed Stewie as Lois picked him up. "I don't know what to do at a water park. I can't even make a trip to the bathroom. Hey, Lois, my shorts might be full of melted chocolates, just to let you know."

* * *

The Griffins and their friends were gathered together and they started to walk to the exit. But when they got there, the whole park was closed. The guard had just walked away.

"Hey!" cried Brian. "You've got about fourteen people in here!"

"About twenty if you include us!" cried a different voice. Everyone turned to see the whole Smith family there, including Roger, dressed as a blonde lifeguard from _Baywatch_, and Klaus in his goldfish bowl.

"I've had a look around," Stan went on, "and there's way out."

"You mean, we're stuck here over night?" cried Cleveland.

Everyone shouted and panicked.

"QUIET!" yelled Peter. Everyone went silent. "It's not so bad. The movie's about to start." He was looking at a big screen over the big pool.

"Um, Peter, no movie's gonna show when the park is closed," Brian told him.

"What!" exclaimed Roger. "No movies! What are we going to?"

"Hey, I've got a new story to," said Peter.

"It's _Toy Story 2_, isn't it?" said Meg.

"Shut up, Meg!" snapped Peter. "Now, come on, everyone, gather around." They did and Peter began his story…


	2. Yard Sale!

"Help! Help!" cried Bo Peep, as she was all tied up and hanging down. "I'm stuck! Someone fix the rollercoaster I'm stuck on."

Woody arrived on the scene. "Hey, let her go, Evil Dr. Pork-Clot!"

He was facing a big piggy bank called Evil Dr. Pork-Clot who stood on his base, which was the Bucket O' Soldiers bucket, with the green soldiers acting like his army. The green guys had their weapons aiming at Woody.

"And why would I do that, Sheriff Woody?" asked Pork-Clot.

"Because I will pay you ten thousand dollars if you do," said Woody.

"Well, that's maybe fun in a Bright Jones' Diary style, but I prefer the Skyline, The Raid and Avatar: The Last Airbender style. Here are the options: Bo Peep getting eaten by the shark."

Bo was hanging over the shark.

"Arr, I haven't seen or smell an attractive marine toy for a while," said the shark.

"I haven't had a compliment for a while," said Bo.

"That wasn't one," said the shark.

"Or death by monkeys," said Pork-Clot, pointing to a bunch of red evil monkeys around Mr. Potato Head.

"Anyone wanna take a photo or paint a picture of this?" muttered the lips of Potato Head. "I may be a toy, but this ain't comfortable!"

"Choose!" ordered Pork-Clot.

"I choose… Buzz Lightyear!" cried Woody, holding RC's remote. He operated it and from the distance came RC with Buzz Lightyear on it.

"What kind of choice is that?" asked Pork-Clot.

"To infinity and beyond!" cried Buzz, as RC jumped off the highest rock and the space ranger knocked the evil piggy bank down.

"That's still not a choice," moaned Pork-Clot.

"There you go, hot chick," said Woody as he helped Bo down.

"My hero!" she said. "I think, anyway."

"All right! Giggity giggity goo!" cried Woody, as he grabbed Bo in his arms.

Buzz watched the whole event and cleared his throat.

"Oh, yeah," said Woody. "Thanks, Buzz."

"No problem, partner," said Buzz. "Nothing can tangle between the duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear!"

Woody and Buzz were holding arms together as celebration and –

"Maybe that!" snapped Woody. "My arm's ripped because you weren't being careful!"

"Don't blame me!" Buzz snapped back. "Blame Andy!"

* * *

Buzz was right. Andy was playing with his toys and Woody's arm _did_ get ripped.

"Andy, come on, hon," said Andy's mom. "Molly is in the car. We don't want her to have to change her diapers on the way, do we?"

"It's just that Woody's arm ripped," said Andy.

"Well, maybe we can fix him on the way," suggested his mom.

"Nah, let's leave him here," said Andy.

"Sorry, honey, but toys don't last forever," said his mom, as she put Woody on the highest shelf. When they left the room, Woody came to life. He was very upset.

"Going to summer camp without me?" he shouted at Andy, as his family's van drove out. "Well, f*** you! See if I care!"

"I thought Andy was taking with you to summer camp," called Rex.

"Well, he didn't!" Woody snapped at his friend. "Any my only hope is he doesn't take Buzz to space camp!"

"Well, now that's just very insensitive of you!" cried Buzz.

"I think he just needs a few minutes by himself," suggested Slinky Dog.

"Yeah, he sure looks like it," said Bo, as she and the other toys walked away.

"Do I really look like it, Bo?" snapped Woody. "Oh, this is just swell. I'm really upset and, instead of comforting and supportive, you guys are just leaving me alone!"

"Join the club!" said a voice that was coming from behind the books. He turned around to see a rubber squeeze toy penguin with a red bow tie and black glasses coughing and spluttering.

"Wheezy?" said Woody.

"Long time, no see, eh, Woody?" said Wheezy.

"How did you get up here?" asked Woody. "I thought Mom took you to get your squeaker fixed months ago. Andy was so upset."

"Oh, like you care," scoffed Wheezy. "Just when that bitch said those things to make him feel good and then put me on this shelf to let the dust aggravate my condition."

About twenty-four hours later, Wheezy was still talking about his life to a half-sleeping Woody.

" – and last – and I'm certainly hoping least – came that penis sleeve on this shelf that once belong to Mr. Davis," finished Wheezy. "He was gay and tried to have sex with me! And it's all your fault!"

That woke Woody up fully. "My fault?"

"All because you were always Andy's favourite toy and, because of that, you were saying things that made me feel like crap!" Wheezy took a deep breath. "Still, you won't care if anyone was over there."

Woody saw where Wheezy was pointing and it didn't look good at all. "Yard sale!" he cried. "Guys, wake up!"

"Oh, you're in a better mood now, are you?" said Potato Head nastily.

"Only to tell you that Andy's mom is having a damn yard sale outside!" snapped Woody.

All the toys panicked.

Woody gave up. "Sarge, take over for me," he yelled to Sarge.

"Sir, yes, sir!" reported Sarge. "You guys!"

All the toys stopped and looked at Sarge.

"You know the drill," he said.

"This drill?" Rex was holding a plastic yellow drill toy.

"No, you know, when we do this drill, everyone gets a free jacuzzi made out of play-doh."

All the toys now considered to do the drill.

"Now, single file! Let's move! Move! Move!" ordered Sarge.

All the toys formed a line. Buzz walked along the line, with Robot holding clipboard with a paper on it. He read the names as he walked down and the toys all answered.

"Someone's coming!" cried Rex.

Then they all went to hide and freeze.

Woody hid Wheezy behind the books he found him and the cowboy doll went limp.

Andy's mom came in with a big cardboard box with 'YARD SALE' written on it. She searched the whole room. She picked the DVDs of _Howard the Duck_, _Catwoman _and the _Star Wars _Prequel Trilogy. Then she went to pick up a bunch of 1950s _Playboy_ magazines. Finally she went to Woody's shelf. She picked up a black ball, a few baby board games and… Wheezy!

"Well, good riddance, eh, Woody?" whispered Wheezy.

Woody watched Wheezy being taken out of the room. Feeling guilty about how badly he treated Wheezy in the past, Woody want to help him. But how? He thought and whistled with his fingers. A bark came from the hallway.

"Ah! It's Buster!" cried Rex.

"Buster who?" asked a toy version of Buster Edwards.

"Buster Mills?" asked a toy version of Buster Mills.

A toy version of Buster Keaton held a black and white sign with 'BUSTER KEATON?' on it.

"Buster Ramsey?" asked a toy version of Buster Ramsey.

"How about Buster Bunny?" asked the doll version of Buster Bunny.

"And Babs Bunny!" cried the doll version of Babs Bunny.

"No Relat – " They began together.

"Hold it!" yelled Buster. "We're only doing the 'Buster's here, Babs."

"So?"

"We can't have any 'Babs's in here," said Buster.

"Why not?" asked Babs. "It's a popular name."

"Really?" scoffed Buster. "The only other Babs I know is the fat chicken in _Chicken Run_."

"Whatever, Mr. No Pants," Babs scoffed back.

"If you think I'm bad because I wear no pants, just look at that doll version of Fifi!" snapped Buster.

A doll version of Fifi La Fume stood next them. "Et fier de l'être!" she said happily.

"Whatever that means!" Buster moaned.

But it was neither of those Busters. The Buster Woody wanted was Andy's pet Dachshund who came in the room. "Someone called me?" asked Buster.

"Up here, Buster!" cried Woody. He tried to climb down, but he fell down. Luckily, he landed on Buster.

"Good land, Sheriff W!" said Buster happily.

"Now to the yard sale!" ordered Woody.

"What? Do you know what you're – "

"Yes, I do!" snapped Woody. "Now, YAH!

And, like a horse, Buster galloped out of the room.

"Why's he going to the yard sale?" asked Rex.

"How do we know?" asked Potato Head. "We can't even find out!"

Buzz looked at Lenny and picked him up. "To Andy's window, everyone!" he ordered.

He saw Buster carrying Woody to the heart of the yard sale. The cowboy doll got off Buster and climbed onto the table where the box Andy's mom had just come down from her son's room was. He checked to see if the coast was clear and, when it was, he went into the box.

"What?" exclaimed Rex. "He's getting in the box!"

"He's selling himself for twenty-five cents?" said Slinky. "Woody, I know you don't like me, but I think you're worth more than that."

"Yeah, he's worth more than those crap DVDs that Andy has," said Hamm. "He's worth the price of _Hannah Montana_ DVDs."

"Wait a minute," cried Buzz. "He's got something. It's Wheezy!"

"It's not suicide!" exclaimed Rex. "It's a rescue! Although if he died, it would be suicide then, I suppose."

Everyone saw Woody helped Wheezy out of the box and they went down where Buster was waiting for them. He squeezed Wheezy onto the collar.

"Why, Woody?" asked Wheezy. "Why are you rescuing me?"

"Because after you told me about how your life was hell all because of me," said Woody, "I've been feeling bad and I want to make amends and be your friend."

"Bless you, Woody," said Wheezy.

"All right, Buster, back to Andy's room," Woody said.

"Right on, Sheriff W!" said Buster, as he began to walk away.

* * *

Back in Andy's room, everyone was cheering. "Way to go, cowboy!" said Buzz.

Then he saw something happening. Wheezy was slipping through Buster's collar and Woody helped him back up, but Buster jumped over a fallen-down rake that Andy's mom was selling and Woody fell off. Then the cowboy doll had to go limp when a little girl found him.

Buzz saw the little girl picking up his best friend and taking him to her mother.

"All right! We made it!" cried Buster happily, as he entered Andy's room. All the toys looked annoyed at him. "What? Me and Sheriff W brought Wheezy back here, didn't we?"

"_You_ did," pointed out Slinky. "But not Sheriff W!"

"What?" exclaimed Buster.

"He's still out there," added Potato Head. "Being raped by that little girl."  
"I don't think so, Potato Head," said Slinky. "He's being kidnapped by a fat man!"

"What's Andy's mom doing?" asked Hamm.

Buzz saw that Andy's mom was talking and laughing with a lot of friends. "I know I'm not a space ranger, but I'm on a mission." He jumped out of the window and slid down the drain pipe.

Keeping his eyes fixed on the bag Woody was being carried by the kidnapper to his car, Buzz ran under the tables of the yard sale and onto the road. He managed to catch the car and climb to the trunk. He tried to open it, but the car accelerated and he fell off. Just when he assumed he had failed, he saw a few white feathers shoot out of the trunk. He picked one up and decided to take it back to Andy's room.

Back in Andy's room, everyone was horrified to see what has happen.

"Why would someone steal Woody?" asked Bo Peep.

"Why is Buzz bringing that white feather back to the room?" asked Rex.


	3. The Crime Scene

In Andy's room, a crime scene, made out of blocks and other toys, was set up in the middle of the room. All the toys in the room gathered around.

"Today on _234 Elm Street News_," said Etch, "at 11: 32am, Woody was kidnapped. And here is a picture of the kidnapper." Etch produced a sketch of the man who kidnapped Woody. The sketch showed an obese man with long black hair and colourful glasses.

"I don't think he had a beard like that," said Bo Peep.

"And he wasn't obese," added Slinky. "And he didn't have all that hair."

"And he's not John Lennon," pointed out Rex. All the toys looked at him. "I mean the glasses."

"Etch, get rid of the crap you've drawn on him," Hamm said.

"My apologies for sending you the wrong portrait on the kidnapper," said Etch. He wiped it and drew a different man on the screen.

"He didn't look anything like Bill Gates, especially with that belly he had," said Potato Head.

Etch tried to draw the right picture, but they looked like Matthew Lillard, Sean Penn, Mr. Jeremy Fisher, Homer Simpson and Howard the Duck.

"Excuse me," Buzz called, appearing from the other side of the bed. "Could you keep it down, please? Thank you."  
Everyone walked away from the crime scene and went to the other side of the bed and saw Buzz with Mr. Spell. "How about Elton Hercules John?" suggested Mr. Spell.

"What the heck are you doing, Buzz?" asked Potato Head.

"It's some sort of message encoded on that vehicle's ID tag," said Buzz.

"What's the message?" asked Potato Head. "Come to my feather shop? Where we kill chickens to make bed pillows, huh?"  
"Sexy girl's bum," said Mr. Spell.

"Well, it's just a licence plate, which is nothing but a jumble of letters," said Potato Head. "And a few numbers. See? I may be a toy for three-year-olds, but I have the brain of a potato."  
"You can say that again," muttered Hamm, under his breath.

"Well, whatever!" muttered Potato Head. "Let's let Buzz play with his toy."  
The toys began to walk away.

"Toy?" pondered Buzz. "Toy! Hold on!"

The toys turned around to see Buzz type something into Mr. Spell. Then the machine said, "Al's Toy Barn."

While the toys murmured about what the hell 'Al's Toy Barn' was, Buzz checked the white feather. "I guess it makes sense," the space ranger toy said. "But where to find it?"

All the toys were thinking, but none of them came with any good ideas. Then they heard TV sounds. Everyone turned around to see Rex facing the TV.

"All this thinking is tiring me out," he said. "I'm gonna play _Buzz Lightyear: Attack on Zurg._

Just as he was about to start the game, Buzz saw a commercial coming up. "Rex, hold it!" he yelled at the dinosaur.

Buzz and the toys got up and watch the commercial on the TV. It was a fat man in a chicken suit. Buzz looked at the feather. Then he quickly turned to Etch. "Etch, draw that man in this chicken suit."

Etch did so. The man was now in the chicken suit. "It's the chicken man!" cried Rex.

Then the TV showed that behind the chicken was the Al's Toy Barn building! "That man's Al!" cried Potato Head.

Then the location turned into a map of the tri-county and it showed where the barn was. "Copy that map, Etch!" ordered Buzz.

Etch did so.

"That's where I have to go," said Buzz.

"Thank you for copying the map; well done," muttered Etch. Ignoring him, Buzz went straight to copying the map on Etch onto a piece of paper.

"You can't go, Buzz!" said Rex. "You'll never make it there."

"Well, I have three good reasons for going," Buzz said. "A: Because it's no fun without Woody here. B: I'm stick of watching you lose on that Buzz Lightyear game all the time and C: Woody once risked his life to save me. How could I call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same? Now I need some volunteers."

All the toys just looked at each other and all said "no".

"Woody doesn't like me," said Slinky.

"I think I know how to defeat Zurg on my video game this time," said Rex.

"And I'm married now," said Potato Head, looking nervously at his wife. "I have to stay and look after her."

And all the toys left.

Buzz just got himself ready. Then Hamm came along. "Hey, I want in."

"Why the change-of-mind?" asked Buzz.

"Because there aren't any good movies around here," replied Hamm. "The only ones we got are so crap I think I could have a better adventure out there."

"Glad to have you aboard," smiled Buzz. Then he noticed Slinky coming besides him. "Slinky, I know Woody doesn't like you, but if you try to rescue him, he might be a better friend to you."

"How do I know you're not just saying that just so you're using me?" asked Slinky.

Buzz tried to think of something good. "Because if Woody was the leader of this rescue group, would he let you come?" asked Buzz.

"No," replied Slinky. That compliment made him feel better.

"Glad it worked," Buzz whispered to himself.

"Come on, let's go, before the missus finds me," said Potato Head.

"Anyone else?" asked Buzz.

Then they heard video game beeps coming from the TV. For the hundredth time, Rex had lost again and was swearing his head off.

"Hey, Rex, you wanna a break from that game and do something heroic for real?" Buzz called to him.

"Okay," said Rex.

* * *

Buzz and the rescue team were out of Andy's room and on the roof beneath it. Slinky went first so he could lower his bottom for the toys to get down.

"Go down? By holding his ass?" Potato Head nervously backed away. "What if he pees or poops while we hover?"

"I'm made of plastic, Potato Head," snapped Slinky. "And I don't drink or eat anyway. So stop spitting crap and just get down there."

Potato Head did so. Then it was Hamm's turn. Then Rex tried to catch Slinky's ass but it fell down and him with it. He caught it and was flying up and down with it.

"Stop holding my ass and let go, will you?" snapped Slinky. "We're not gay toys, you know." Rex finally let go.

Buzz turned around to face the remaining toys left in Andy's room. "We'll be back before Andy returns," he told them.

"Don't talk any toy you don't know," Mrs. Potato Head told them. "And watch out for creatures with diseases, like stray dogs, the prostitutes and the homeless. And watch out for _their_ toys, too. They might be less harmless than they look."

"To Al's Toy Barn and beyond!" said Buzz, as he grabbed Slinky's ass and went down. Finally, Slinky caught his own ass and went down.

The team was on their way now.


	4. Woody's Roundup

"What do you mean that commercial wasn't good enough?"

A limp Woody was watching his kidnapper, Al McWhiggin in his chicken suit, arguing on the phone in his lovely penthouse through glass. He could see the room was gorgeous, decorated in blue, grey carpet and rich enough for the owner of the biggest toy shop in the tri-county.

"Oh, all right!" snapped Al. "I'll be there! I know I'm not as famous as when I was Batman, but I haven't lost my acting skills!" He turned his phone off. Then he turned to Woody. "You, my cowboy partner, are gonna make me big b-b-b-bucks." Then he left.

Woody came to life and gasped. He opened his glass case and jumped out. He tried to reach for the door, but the door handle was too high. And he couldn't do anything with his ripped arm. He looked around and turned to an air vent. He tried unscrewing it with his hand, but he couldn't. Then he heard something and turned around to see a cardboard box that has just been opened.

"What?" Woody was so confused. Then he was terrified as if he was lifted up like magic. He was on a brown horse!

"Welcome to Bullseye's horse trekking school!" said the horse. "Here's lesson No. 1!" And he galloped like mad.

"Whoa!" cried Woody. "Stop, horsey! Horsey, stop! Sit! I said sit! What do you say to make horses sit? Please, sit!"

The horse finally stopped and Woody flew off. He landed on his head. Upside down, he saw a red-hair cowgirl doll with a red hat, a white and yellow shirt, blue trousers covered and brown boots. "Yee-haw!" she cried. "It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you! It's you!"

"Please stop saying that," said Woody. "She doesn't say it _that_ much in the real movie, you know."

The cowgirl pushed Woody ahead and pulled him back with his pull string. "No dick's gonna take my chick away," said Woody's voice box.

"It is you!" cried the cowgirl. "Prospector said someday you would come and – Sweet Jada Pinkett Smith! Bullseye, get him!"

"Right away, ma'am," said Bullseye the horse. He jumped into the cardboard box and brought out something.

"Say hello to the prospector," said the cowgirl.

"Hello, Mr. It's-A-Box," said Woody. All he could see was a colourful box with a picture of a short, fat man with a white beard and a digging pick.

"He's a mint in the box," said the cowgirl. "Never been opened."

"So it seems," said Woody.

"Well, Jessie, Bullseye, somebody, anybody turn me around so I can see if it really is the bastard!" snapped the voice coming from the box.

"Fine! Leave all the horse to do all this work, why don't you?" moaned Bullseye, as he pushed the box around.

Then Woody saw the toy inside the box looked exactly like the man on the back. "Why, the son of a bitch has finally returned. It's good to see you, Woody."

"Well, I'm flatted, but I – WHAT? How the hell do you know my name?" Woody was so confused.

"How the hell do you _not_ know your name?" laughed Bullseye. No one else laughed. "One thing Ilearnt from him is that he has no sense of humour."

"Oh, shut up and show him who he is," snapped Jessie.

Bullseye jumped on a chair and onto a table. He turned the light on.

Woody turned around to see around to see… himself! There was a giant billboard with him on it. And that was not all. He saw his face on cups, mugs, plates, car stickers, t-shirts, shorts, and underwear.

"Never knew kids were wearing me under their pants," said Woody. He looked down and saw magazines and books about him.

"Oh, my god!" cried Woody.

"If you think you've seen it all," said Bullseye, "you've seen nothing yet." Bullseye pushed the tape in the V.H.S. machine. Jessie turned the TV on.

Woody turned around to see the TV. The show was a black and white puppet show. "Cowboy Crunches Presents," said the announcer.

The barn in the background opened and the title said _Woody's Roundup._

" _Woody's Roundup _"sang the chorus of the show. " _Who else but Woody?_ "

" _He's Woody, Woody, You never know what he's gonna do next_

"_ He's Woody, Woody_ "

" _Giggity Giggity, let's have sex! _" sang the Woody on the TV.

* * *

Woody and "his roundup gang" had been watching every episode of the TV series. They were on Episode 12.

"They don't call this the old abandoned mine for nothing, Prospector," said Jessie. "We'd better get out here."

"Not until I find my gold," said Stinky Pete. "It's quite dark. I'll light a candle."

Stinky Pete lit something and it was sparkling.

"A sparkling candle?" said Stinky Pete. "Never seen anything quite like it before. Hey, maybe that's a new discovery I discovered. I'll be rich! I'll be famous! I'll be - "

"Dead," Jessie finished for him."That 'sparkling candle' is dynamite!"

"Oh, shit," cried Stinky Pete.

"I'll call for help," said Jessie. "Oh, critters!" she yodelled.

Outside her critters were asleep and didn't hear Jessie's yodelling.

"Oh, critters!" Jessie cried again.

The critters still didn't wake up.

"CRITTERS!" Jessie shouted at the top of her lungs.

_That_ woke the critters up.

"Now, make yourselves useful and go get Sheriff Woody!" yelled Jessie.

The critters dashed off.

In the town, Bullseye was standing outside the saloon. Sheriff Woody came out drunk.

"How many times have you got laid today?" asked the horse.

"Seven times today," said Woody drunkenly. "I hope I made it in the Guinness World Records!"

The critters arrived.

"What? Jessie and the Prospector are trapped in the old abandoned mine and the old fart lit a dynamite because he thought it was a candle and now they're about to blown to smithereens? A likely story!" laughed Woody.

"Those critters look damn serious," said Bullseye.

"All right," said Woody, getting on Bullseye. "Run like the wind, Bullseye!"

And off they went.

They came to the Grand Canyon and Bullseye jumped over a big gap. They were halfway over.

"Will Woody and Bullseye land to safety?" said the announcer. "Can they reach Jessie and Stinky Pete in time? Tune in next week for the series' finale: _Woody's Finest Hour_!"

"All right!" cheered Woody. But then Jessie turned the TV off.

"Hey, wait a minute!" cried the anxious cowboy. "What happens next? Come on, let's see the finale."

"That's it," said Stinky Pete. "The show was cancelled right before the finale."

"Why?" asked Woody.

"I blame Sputnik," said Stinky Pete. "Those damn Russians made Americans want to give up on western and play with space toys."

"Still, could be worse," said Bullseye. "It's not like the TV show was cancelled before they even aired an episode, like that TV series based on _The Cheetah Girls_."  
"And just look at this stuff from my show!" cheered Woody. "Oh, look! Me on a yo-yo. A record player. Cups. Plates. Pans. Kettles. Condoms? Wow! A sex machine with me on it! Those chicks who inserted this into them are very lucky indeed."

"Speaking of lucky, those kids are in for a big treat when they come to the museum," said Stinky Pete.

"Will they be any girl visitors – Wait! What museum?" Woody was confused.

"Now you've finally been found, we're being sold to the Konishi Toy Museum in Tokyo."  
"That's in Japan," Jessie told Woody.

"Japan? Oh, my god!" cried Woody not happily, but with a sad face. "It is an awesome offer, I'm sure, but I can't go."

"What do you mean?" asked Jessie.

"I have to get back home to my owner, Andy," replied Woody, showing Andy's name under his boat.

"He still has an owner?" panted Jessie. "No! I've been in storage for years and no damn way in a million years am I going back in there!"

"Look, I didn't mean to get your hopes up," said Woody. "But I was in this yard sale, trying to save another toy when – "

"I've noticed you arm is ripped," said Stinky Pete. "Did this Andy break you?"

"Yeah, he did, but not on purpose," explained Woody.

"Sounds like he really loves you," Jessie teased meanly.

"It's not like that, ok?" snapped Woody angrily. "I'm not going to any bloody museum!"

"Well, I'm not going back into storage!" snapped Jessie. "So what are we going to do?"

"Hide, since Al's coming back," suggested Bullseye.

Everyone heard footsteps coming towards the penthouse. Jessie hesitated to step in the big box she, Stinky Pete and Bullseye had lived in for how many years.

"Jessie, just jump in," said Stinky Pete. "I promise you'll come out of the box. Now go."

Jessie jumped in. Bullseye went next, followed by Stinky Pete. Woody reached his glass case just in time before Al returned.

"All right!" exclaimed Al, holding a camera. "It's show time!"

He soon picked up Stinky Pete, Jessie and Bullseye and put them in front of a background set that looked like the town in the TV show.

"Now, for the main attraction," said Al, walking towards Woody. "Like the Batman ride at Warner Bros. Movie World."

He opened the glass case and took Woody out, not noticing his arm was ripping.

"When I get this stuff to Japan, I'll be able to relive my glory days back in the 60s and – What? Oh, God!" Al finally saw Woody with his arm off. "Oh, my god!" cried Al. "What do I do? What do I do? What would Batman do? Wait a minute, I _am_ Batman! And I know!" He got out his phone and dialled. "Hi, it's Al! I've got an emergency! Why are you so busy that you can't come here tonight? You watchin' _Shrek_? The musical? Is it good? Well, about you come in the morning?"

Still on the phone, Al made his way out of the room. Woody wasted no time screaming his head off. "Look! My arm is gone! Completely gone! I'm never gonna get laid now! Not even prostitutes dolls will take me!"

"Oh, calm down!" said Stinky Pete. "It's just a popped seam. The cleaner will come, fix your arm – "

"And then I'll beat it!" Woody finished.

"Beat what, man?" asked Bullseye.

"Well, it's another saying of 'I don't wanna be here'," Woody explained.

"I know!" snapped Bullseye. "That was a rhetorical question. And I'd know you'd go straight back to Andy's house."

"Yeah, since that's all he ever talks about," said Jessie.

Now Woody was defeated. On the one hand, Andy would be miserable without him. But on the other hand, his round-up gang will have to go back into storage after so many years. "Boy, this is more difficult than when the Jews decided to free Jesus Christ or Barabbas."

* * *

_On the eve before Jesus's crucifixion, Pontius Pilate stood before the Jews with two questions – Jesus Christ and Barabbas._

_"You have two choices: To free Jesus Christ or Barabbas," Pilate told them._

_The Jews thought about this, but took their time deciding between them._

_"Jesus has done a lot of good things," said one Jew._

_"But he's trying to make us go softer on us," said another Jew._

_After five minutes of discussing between them, Pilate said, "Do you want me to free the King of the Jews?"_

_Then the crowd made its decision. "We want… Barabbas!"_

_Both Pilate and Jesus were amazed. "Why? Why do you want a murderer?"_

_"Because he's tough!" said one Jew._

_"And he's cool!" said another one._

_"So much for all your hard work, eh?" Pilate teased._

_Jesus just smiled. "Wherever you crucify me or not, in the end, I will still win."_

_"We'll see about that," said Pilate. He nodded to the soldiers who took Jesus away. _


	5. Why Do the Toys Cross the Road?

Nightfall hit the town and Buzz Lightyear was still walking and alert. Sadly, it couldn't be said for his team. They were still walking but were tired and barely focusing. When Buzz saw their progress, he decided to hide behind a bin and wait for them.

"Come on, guys, tonight!" moaned Buzz.

"I'm tired and hungry!" moaned Potato Head, when he caught up with Buzz.

"We stopped at MacDonald's ten minutes ago, Potato Head," said Buzz. "And you ate a dozen boxes of chips – large. So you should be full of energy. If not, you should cut down then."

"May I point out, Buzz, that I'm a dog, not a horse," said Slinky, joining them. "And I can't keep this up."

Rex and Hamm agreed as they joined the gang.

"Come on, fellas," said Buzz. "Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?"

"No," replied the toys.

"And did he give up when you threw him out of that moving van?" went on Buzz.

"Oh, you had to bring _that_ up," muttered Potato Head.

"And the answer to the next question: No," said Rex.

"He didn't ask that question," Slinky told him. "So why did you 'answer' that?"

"I just thought he was gonna ask about the time we tricked Woody into having sex with a doll who was gay and he didn't give up," replied Rex.

"Only cause we didn't tell him that bitch was gay," added Hamm.

"Look, my point is we have a friend in need and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room!" announced Buzz. "Now, let's move!"

* * *

All night long, Buzz and his rescue team were following the map. They came to a building and stopped when water was shooting out of the outside pipe. Out of it came Marlin and Dory. They coughed and spluttered.

"What's a couple of fish like you doing in those pipes full of hot water?" asked Buzz.

"Being tropical fish from the Barrier Reef," said Marlin, "I think we need hot water. Get it?"

"No, I don't get it," said Hamm. "Even in our series, for a clownfish, you're not very funny."

"Have any of you guys seen a cowboy doll around?" asked Buzz.

"Have any of you guys seen his son, Crap-o?" asked Dory.

"Nemo!" snapped Marlin. "It's Nemo, you brainless, forgetful, dyslexia twit!"

Dory looked around. "Sorry," she said to Marlin. "Who were you calling a brainless, forgetful, dyslexia twit?"

"Never mind, Dory," Marlin sighed. "Let's just find my son." And they were washed to the drain.

They toys moved on.

* * *

They were moving on the streets when toy versions of Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows bumped into them.

"There are a bunch of cops after us!" cried Burrows.

"Don't tell them where we are," said Scofield.

And the brothers went into a large metal garbage can.

"Oh, and could you tell us when the coast is clear?" said Scofield before putting the lid on top of them.

Buzz saw a squad of police dolls coming towards him. "Hey, you haven't seen these guys, have you?" asked the chief, showing them a reward poster with Scofield and Burrows with their heads on them.

"Yeah, we have – " Rex was muffling when Potato Head held his mouth.

"No," lied Buzz. "What my green buddy thought was that he saw two skinheads in a bar that looked like those two."

The Police Chief looked closely at him and nodded. "All right, guys, let's move!" he shouted to his squad and on they went.

"All right, gang, let's move!" yelled Buzz. He saw that there was only Potato Head, Hamm and Rex. "Slinky? Come here, boy. Slinky!"

They all turned around to see Slinky Dog licking tongues with the real version of Lassie the collie dog.

"Are you all alone, Yorkshire babe?" said Slinky, putting on his 'cool' attitude on. "Well, here's one brave, strong, slinky – "

"Dog, come on!" snapped Buzz, dragging Slinky away. Then he turned to Lassie. "Ma'am, if you're still lost when we find our friend, we'll help you get back to your owner, I promise." And they were gone, leaving poor Lassie in the street once again.

"Hey, guys, is the coast clear yet?" asked Scofield's voice. Then the can was picked up by a garbage truck.

* * *

Buzz and the toys were chopping their way through a big bush early the next morning. After he chopped his thirty-seventh branch, he heard screaming. He looked down to see he nearly squashed Flik and Heimlich on a fallen branch.

"Hey, watch it!" cried Flik.

"_Ja_!" snapped Heimlich.

"Sorry, guys," said Buzz. "I should've remembered. The outtakes after the movie. Those weren't even real outtakes!"

"Hey, guys, why do the toys cross the road?" asked Hamm.

"To get to the chicken of the other side?" said Slinky. "It's from the movie. You don't need to be Frank Gorshin or Jim Carrey to work that riddle out."

"And Jim Carrey doesn't always have to where this mask either," chuckled a doll version of the Mask, walking away.

Buzz and his team saw that Hamm was right and Al's Toy Barn was on the other side of the road. Then they saw the rough traffic passing by.

"We'll have to cross," said Buzz.

"But how?" asked the toys.

Potato Head looked up. "Hey, _Millennium Falcon_!" he cried, waving his arms in the air. But the toy _Millennium Falcon _flew away.

"Hey, can you give us a ride, Mr. Bond?" Slinky called to the sky.

A Sean Connery James Bond doll was flying in the sky in a Little Nellie autogyro toy.

"Sorry, can't stop!" cried Bond. "I've got to stop an evil Blofeld doll from destroying the world."

"We'll have to get across ourselves," said Buzz. He looked around and had an idea.

* * *

Minutes later, the traffic lights turned to red.

"Okay," said Buzz's voice. "We're good to go. Go!"

Then everything appeared to be calm, steady and quiet. Then a light blue car had to slide away into a drive-in entrance hitting a spike strip. It got hit by a white pick-up truck. It was a bunch of traffic cones that forced those vehicles to move. How could traffic cones cause an accident? Well, moving traffic cones can! And those cones are moving cones.

"Drop!" ordered Buzz's voice. The cones dropped.

"Gosh!" cried Peter Venkman in the Ecto-1. "Can't we ever get a smooth drive here?"

"I think those moving cones… could be ghosts!" exclaimed Ray Stanz as he braked hard.

Venkman, Ray, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddmore got out of Ecto-1 and turn on their proton packs. They looked around and found nothing suspicious.

"I can't seem to trace anything," said Egon, holding his P.K.E. Meter.

"Then why do we still use these things, man?" demanded Zeddmore.

No one noticed the moving the cones, except a semi-trailer who tried to steer out of the way. And it did, but it was all twisted. And the chains holding a large pipe snapped!

But that didn't stop the moving cones, except one who had one blue plastic shoe stuck in some chewing gum on the road! The figure inside the cone tried to pull the shoe out.

"Come on! Come on!" the figure's voice shouted.

He managed to get the shoe out and managed to avoid the pipe just in time. When the cone reached the other end of the street, the figure who took it off was Potato Head.

"Ah, that went well," Potato Head sighed. "I believe my take of being under the cone nearly getting crushed by the pipe was just as good as the movie."

"Wow! Look at all those cars," pointed out Slinky. The whole street was full of traffic-jammed cars.

"I bet the _Toy Story_ movies have more car-crashing scenes than the whole James Bond series, the entire career of Vic Armstrong and the entire collection of Looney Tunes' Acme explosions put together."

"Yeah, we know these movies like at the hairs of our asses," said Buzz. "Now we're that much closer to Woody." All the toys headed straight for Al Toy's Barn.

But if they did know the movies so well, they wouldn't have made the same mistake the toys did in the movie by crossing the road because they were already on the side of the road that Al's Penthouse was, where Woody was held.

* * *

The doorbell rang at Al's Penthouse. He opened the door and Geri the cleaner appeared.

"Thank goodness you're here!" exclaimed Al excitedly.

"Just like I promised," said Geri. "Now is that lucky son of a bitch ready for cleaning?"

Geri got his cleaning case and everything ready. "Had a quick game of chest today," he said.

"With who?" asked Al.

"With myself," replied Geri.

"With yourself?" laughed Al.

"Yeah, haven't you seen the Pixar short, _Geri's Game_?" asked Geri. "Or do you only watch your version of Batman and only the media _you _starred in?"

Then Geri took Woody from his glass case and put him in a chair. He took the hat off and put on a hat stand. Then the old cleaner put on his glasses and lifted Woody's chair high enough for him to work.

"So how long is this going to take?" asked Al.

"You can't rush art," said Geri. "Practise your patience, young man!"

"Patience? Hah!" scoffed Al. "My life is being wasted every second of my life just by waiting for you just to clean this pathetic toy."

But Geri wasn't listening. He was busy fixing Woody's arm back on, cleaning his boots, washing his pants and his shirt, putting a clean condom on and cleaning him all over. Soon the cowboy doll was like when he was first made back in the 1950s.

Geri put Woody back in his glass case. "He's for display only," Geri told Al. "You handle him too much, he's not gonna last. Unlike me."

The old cleaner looked at Al like a seductive prostitute. Al quickly worked it out.

"No, thank you, sir," said Al, pushing Geri and his cleaning case to the door. "Here is your five hundred dollars as promised and my many thanks." He shut him out.

"And now, back to where we was last night," said Al to the toys.

And soon Al was going mad with shooting Woody and his roundup gang with his camera. "It's like printing my own money," he chuckled to himself. "And printing my own fame." Then his phone rang. "Yeah? What is it?" he snapped. "Oh, Mr. Konishi! I'm sorry! I thought it was one of _my_ employees giving me more problems. You of all people know what it's like. But anyway I have the photos right now…"

He shut the door behind him.

Woody and his roundup gang came to life.

"If I weren't a toy, I'd say modelling and posing was hard work," moaned Bullseye.

Woody was very pleased with his new arm and for feeling like brand new. "Look at me! It's like I've just had a massage, a facial and a surgery, only better!"

"Great! Now you can go!" snapped Jessie. Then she walked away.

"Well, what a good idea!" Woody snapped back. "In fact, that's the best idea you've had since you've come out of storage!"

"Woody," said Stinky Pete. "You shouldn't be mad at Jessie like that. You don't know not one bit, let alone half, of what she's been through."

"What am I suppose to do?" asked Woody. "Go and find out what she _has_ been through and make up before I go?"

"I don't know," said Stinky Pete. "I just wished we'd get to the end where everyone discovers I'm the main villain in the film."

Woody decided to go and speak to Jessie anyway.

"You know," she said, "these buildings didn't used to be _this _high before the last time I was put away into darkness. I don't suppose I'll never know what these buildings will be like for the next… forever, maybe."

"I'm really sorry about this, Jessie," sighed Woody. "But I have to go back. If you knew Andy…"

"I suppose he's a really special kid," said Jessie, "and when you're with him, even though you're not moving, you feel alive because that's he sees you."

"How do you know that?" gasped Woody.

"Because Emily was just the same," replied Jessie. "She was my whole world."

_With the song _When She Loved Me _playing in her head, Jessie was remembering her time with her owner Emily. How Emily was a huge fan of _Woody's Roundup_ and she and Jessie were best friends and they always played together. Always that is, until Jessie was slid down under the bed. As the years went by, she became very dusty and dirty. She watched Emily very day and night, having sleepovers, partying with her friends and remembering all her boyfriends more than _Emily_ ever could._

_Then one day Jessie was picked up by Emily. After a quick clean up, Jessie was with Emily once again after who-knows-how-long. They were in the car. Then they stopped. Emily put a limp Jessie in a cardboard box. Then she came to life and saw Emily drive away in her car._

"You never forget kids like Emily or Andy, but _they_ forget you," sobbed Jessie.

"Jessie, if you told me this in the first place, I wouldn't have given you such – "

"Just go," she sobbed quietly.

Woody sighed and made his way down to the air vent. He unscrewed the screws and lifted the grate up.

"You really want to think about this, Woody," said Stinky Pete. "Do you really think Andy is gonna take you to college or on his honeymoon?

"Not to mention your nervous breakdown when he got excited about your wasn't-you-pal-then Buzz Lightyear," pointed out Bullseye. "Al should've kidnapped you years ago."

"It's your choice, Woody," said Stinky Pete. "You can go back or you can stay with us and last forever. You'll be adored by children for all generations."

"And who will bring them to the museum? Their mothers!" exclaimed Bullseye. "Imagine how hot they will be! If they are not old, that is."

"And you'll be photographed by them," added Stinky Pete. "Imagine all the fame!"

Woody pondered all of this and looked through the vent.

"Who am I to break up the roundup gang?" he said, as he put the grate down. Stinky Pete and Bullseye were relieved.

Jessie looked at Woody and she seemed happier. And they both smiled, beginning to understand each other.


	6. Al's Toy Barn

A shopping cart at Al's Toy Barn was being pushed not by a human customer, but by Buzz. All the other toys were on it.

"Why are we on this shopping cart in the first place?" asked Potato Head.

"So we don't get discovered by the employees, if they do come," pointed out Slinky. Then he saw a sign on the door. "Oh, no, it's close!"

"We're not toys for the dyslexia, Slinky," pointed out Potato Head. "We can read. Unlike this guy who's going in the shop when the sign says they're closed."

"That's a staff member, Potato Head," Buzz told him.

Then they saw the man walking through the automatic doors.

"All right, let's go!" said Buzz.

"But the sign says it's closed!" Rex pointed out.

"Didn't you see that man walk in?" asked Hamm.

The toys stood outside the doors and started jumping to make the doors open.

"It's not working!" moaned Rex.

"How are we going to open the door?" asked Potato Head.

"Let's try it all together," said Buzz. They did and the doors finally opened. They went in.

Rex saw a few strategy guides for _Buzz Lightyear: Attack on Zurg_. It even said, 'Want to defeat Zurg? Wanna unlock some cheats? Wanna cheat… on a girl?' Rex happily took one.

The toys saw how big the shop was.

"How the hell are we gonna find Woody in the place?" asked Potato Head.

"Look for Al," said Buzz. "We find that fat bastard, we find Woody. Now, move out!"

And the toys spread out.

"Woody!" they all called. "Woody!"

* * *

Potato Head was with Rex who was reading and babbling on about his strategy guide.

"You know, they make it so you can't defeat Zurg unless you buy this book," said Zurg. "It's extortion, that's what it is."

Potato Head finally found a toy janitor. "Excuse me, sir," he said, "but have you seen – "

"The entrance to Zurg, yes!" cried Rex.

"Not you!" snapped Potato Head.

The toy janitor walked away.

"Now, look what you've done!" snapped Potato Head. "Now how can we find Woody?"

A plastic blue car drove past them. In it was Hamm and Slinky.

"This all you could find?" asked Potato Head.

"Well, the other car the mechanic was working on was already taken," said Hamm.

_A few minutes ago, in the toy car section, a toy car mechanic was fixing two cars: One plastic blue car and a white car. He was working on the white one. He didn't notice a toy version of Indiana Jones and a toy version of his father getting in the car and driving. The mechanic saw them drive off and saw the Nazi plane flying above him chasing them like in _The Last Crusade. _Then he turned to the plastic blue car; only it wasn't there._

"Eh, I suppose it'll have to do," said Potato Head. "But let a toy with fingers drive, eh?"

He shoved Hamm over, got in and drove around the shop.

From aisle to aisle, they looked for Woody, but couldn't find him.

"You've been going around in circles, Potato Head!" snapped Slinky.

"No, I'm not!" protested Potato Head. "I keep going – "

Then he stopped the car. The toys turned to see they were in a Barbie aisle and saw a bunch of Barbie dolls dancing at a pool party. The song on the DJ was _Hot 'n' Cold _by Katy Perry.

"Excuse me," said Hamm, "but can one of you babes help us find the Al of Al's Toy Barn?"

All the Barbie dolls were just happy dancing to their party. But one went down the slide and took the driver seat. This Barbie wore a blue hat, a blue coat, a blue skirt and a pair of glasses.

"Oh my god!" cried Potato Head. "It's the Meg Barbie!"

"No, I'm Tour Guide Barbie," said Tour Guide Barbie.

"No, you're the Meg Barbie!" said Potato Head.

"No, I told you, I'm Tour Guide Barbie," said Tour Guide Barbie.

"Meg Barbie!"

"Tour Guide Barbie!"

"Meg Barbie!"

"Tour Guide Barbie!"

"Meg Barbie!"

"Tour Guide Barbie!"

Hamm pushed Potato Head and took his place. "Just drive on, Meg Barbie!" Hamm ordered.

* * *

Tour Guide Barbie started to drive the car around.

"This is the pre-school aisle, including toys from _Sesame Street_ right from 1969," she said.

"Can we just go to Al's Office?" said Slinky.

"Please hold all questions until the end of the tour, thank you," said Tour Guide Barbie.

"I wasn't asking a question," said Slinky.

But Tour Guide Barbie continued the tour. They went to _Star Wars _aisle with toys from 1977 to the present, then the _Star Trek_ aisle, the Harry Potter aisle and the Pokemon aisle.

"Never imagined a Japanese cartoon show influenced on us Americans, did you?" said Tour Guide Barbie.

"We did," moaned the uninterested toys.

The tour continued. "And this," said Tour Guide Barbie, "is the Steven Spielberg aisle." If the toys took an interested look, they would've seen from _Duel _truck toys to _War Horse_ horse toys.

"Ah!" cried Rex. "It says how you defeat Zurg! Look!" He flipped the book over the front seat toys.

"Hey, get this out of here, Dino shithead!" snapped Potato Head.

Rex did and everyone saw them just in time to hit a shelf. They looked up to see some _War of the World_ alien toys chasing them. Barbie drove the car away, but they were also chased by Gerlims toys and _Jurassic Park _dinosaur toys.

A pterodactyl toy swooped down and grabbed Rex's guide. "Hey, my source of power!" he cried as he jumped out of the car. "Come back!"

But, of course, the pterodactyl didn't. He just flew on.

Rex decided to head back to the car. "Hey, wait up!" he cried. "Slow down! Dinosaur overboard!"

The car stopped and Rex got in, but he fell upside down on his seat.

"Please remain seated!" said Tour Guide Barbie.

Back on the aisle, the Steven Spielberg doll and his camera crew dolls were filming what happened to the tour guide.

"Perfect!" exclaimed Spielberg. "Cut! Print! Wrap! I shall call this movie: _Dinosaurs, Aliens and Gremlins_. So did we film all that?"

"Well, I did have my camera on it," said the cameraman, taking a plastic film out of the toy camera. "But this camera is a toy camera. It doesn't film like a real movie, you know."

* * *

"And this is the Buzz Lightyear aisle," said Tour Guide Barbie, as she drove the car through the aisle. "Back in 1995, short-sighted retailers did not order enough dolls to meet demand."

"Hey, Buzz!" cried Hamm.

Ahead of them was Buzz. He quickly turned around and pressed his laser button. "HALT! Who goes there?" he snapped.

"What are you doing, Buzz?" asked Slinky.

"Just stop prating around and get in the car!" snapped Potato Head.

"Buzz, I know how to defeat Zurg!" cried a self-satisfied Rex.

Buzz turned his laser off. "You do?" Buzz jumped on the car.

"Where did you get that cool belt, Buzz?" asked Hamm.

"Well, slotted pig, they're brand-new from Star Command," said Buzz.

"What's that noise?" asked Slinky.

There was a rattling noise coming from the aisle.

"Some other Buzz bastard trying to get out, I think," said Potato Head.

Tour Guide Barbie drove on. "And this is where the tour ends," she said a few seconds later.

"Hey, we've not seen where we wanted to go!" yelled Potato Head. "Al's office!"

"That's because you're not looking at it, Potato Brain!" snapped Hamm.

Potato Head turned around and saw the door with the sign that says Al McWhiggin.

"Oh," said Potato Head.

The toys went into his office.

* * *

Al's office was more like a storeroom than an office. There were cardboard boxes around. The toys tried to find Woody, but have found no success.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," Slinky said a boxing play set with a toy Rocky Balboa and a toy Ivan Drago. "Have any of you guys seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm and who's crazy about chicks?"  
"No, I haven't," said Rocky.

"Hey, he was talkin' to me!" snapped Dargo.

"No, he was talkin' to me!" Rocky snapped back.

Then they started fighting.

While Slinky, Hamm and Potato Head were still searching for Woody, Rex and Buzz were talking.

"You see, we thought the entrance to Zurg's fortress was through the main gate," Rex told Buzz, "but it's to the left, hidden in the shadows. What do you think?"

"In the left to the shadows," said Buzz, jotting it down in his log.

"Since when did _you_ take an interest in the video game?" pondered Rex.

Then footsteps and speaking was coming from outside.

"It's Al!" cried Slinky.

"Quick! Hide!" ordered Buzz.

The toys hid under Al's desk.

"All right!" cried Al, as he came in. "Let me confirm your fax details."

"Hey, look!" cried Potato Head. "It's the chicken man! Huh?"

"Potato Head, it's not the giant chicken you get into a fight back in _Family Guy_," said Slinky. "It's Woody's kidnapper."

"A kidnapper?" exclaimed Buzz. "An agent of Zurg if I ever saw one."

While he was talking on the phone, Al was putting his photos of Woody through a scanning machine. One photo fell down and the toys saw it.

"He must have Woody at his place," said Hamm.

"What?" said Al. "You'll pay me anything I want? Yes! Now, you're talking! I'll be on the next flight to Japan!"

"Quick! Into the poultry man's cargo unit!" ordered Buzz.

"It's called a bag, Buzz," said Slinky, as he hopped in.

"Whatever," said Buzz, as he jumped in.

Then the bag was picked up and the toys were shaken about and were forced to listen to Al's awful singing of the theme song of _The Fairy OddParents_.


	7. A Chapter of Two Buzz Lightyears

Buzz and the toys were being bounced up and down in the bag and being driven around shakily by Al's singing and driving. Then the driving stopped and the car door opened and then closed.

"He didn't take the bag!" exclaimed Rex.

Buzz hopped out of the bag and looked through the window. He could just see Al in the elevator with the doors closing. "He's ascending in the vertical transporter." Then he pressed his big red button to open his wings. Then he grabbed Rex's arm and then Potato Head's arm. "All right, everyone," he said. "Hang on tight! We're gonna blast through the roof. To infinity and beyond!"

But nothing happened. And the toys were very confused. Why has Buzz gone back to being an asshole again?

"Has that Buzz Lightyear aisle turned you back into an idiot again?" asked Slinky.

"I don't think so," said Buzz. "It's just that I don't understand how somehow my fuel cells somehow had somehow suddenly gone dry."

Buzz put his hand on the button of the door and the door opened. All the toys fell out and Potato Head was in pieces – literally.

"What happened to your carefulness, too, Buzz?" asked Potato Head.

But Buzz ignored him and headed for the entrance. Through the door, he saw the elevator reach the top floor.

"Damn!" snapped Buzz. He turned to the toys. "He's on level twenty-three."

"How are we gonna get up there?" asked Slinky.

"Maybe if we find some balloons, we could float to the top," suggested Rex. "Just like in _Up_."

"We did way too many parodies of _Up_ in _Old and New_," said Potato Head. "I say we dress ourselves up like a monster, walk through the closet and scare the crap outta the little kids for energy. Just like in _Monsters Inc._"

"Nah, that won't work," said Hamm. "We need something more useful."

Out of the door, a real-life version of WALL-E came of the building, throwing a cube of waste out of his body. "All right?" he said to the toys, as he wheeled himself into the building.

"What was the point of all that?" asked Slinky.

"We wanted something useful and we got something useful," said Hamm.

"I don't get it and I don't find it funny," said Slinky.

"Troops! Over Here!" called Buzz from the left. He took the air vent cover off. "Like you said, Lizard Man," he said to Rex. "The shadows to the left. Okay! Let's move!"

The toys entered the vent and ran along it.

* * *

"Mission log: Have infiltrated enemy territory with detection and are making our way through the ass of Zurg's fortress," Buzz reported to his log.

"Boy, we were only in that toy barn for one hour and he's already gone back to his old crap ways?" said Potato Head.

If that wasn't bad already, Buzz was taking them all around the vent.

"Aren't we going in circles, Buzz?" asked Slinky.

"I'm Buzz Lightyear!" protested Buzz. "I always know what I'm doing!"

Then there was a rumble.

"Oh, damn!" snapped Buzz. "The walls are closing in." He quickly grabbed Potato Head and put him to the roof of the vent above him and the other toys. "Help me prop up, Vegetable Man, or we're done for."

"This isn't the Death Star Garbage Chute, you space bastard!" snapped Potato Head, who thought the space toy had gone way too far.

"Guys, it's not the wall," said Rex. "It's the elevator!"

The toys turned around to see the elevator reached the floor they were on. They went to it.

Buzz looked up to see they have a long way to get up to the top. "Come on, we got no time to lose," he told the toys. "Everyone, grab hold!" He pulled out a hook from his belt and gave it to Potato Head. Then Buzz got out some sticky pop-up things. He jumped up on the wall and started to climb up.

"Buzz, why not just take the elevator?" asked Hamm.

"We're running outta time!" exclaimed Buzz.

The others groaned and screamed as they all took the hook and fell down as Buzz started to climb up.

* * *

Buzz was climbing on the wall and the toys were moaning and struggling while they were holding on the hook.

Buzz stopped as he saw a Green Goblin toy hover above him. Above the goblin was a Spider-Man toy fighting him. Spider-Man kicked the goblin off his glider and landed on the wall.

"Take care now, guys," said Spider-Man as he climbed down like a spider. Buzz moved on.

The toys still weren't happy hanging onto the hook except when they came through a whole exhibition of concept art from movies.

"Wow!" exclaimed Potato Head. "Ralph McQuarrie's original _Star Wars_, _Battlestar Galatica _and _E.T._ concept arts!"

"Wow!" exclaimed Slinky. "Look! Original _Toy Story_ concepts!"

"Oh, cool!" said Rex. "_Playboy_'s very first pictures. Not as sexy as the modern ones."

"Is this all _The Lord of the Rings_ illustrations Alan Lee gave us?" moaned Hamm as he was looking at them. "Couldn't he have made the female characters sexier? Or is it Tolkin's fault?"

"This is getting too heavy," moaned Buzz. "This must be some other way. If I think about it… My anti-gravity servos!" He pressed the middle of his belt, which glowed. "Hang on tight, everyone!" Buzz told the toys. "I'm going to let go off the wall."

"What?" exclaimed the toys.

"How big of an asshole are you?" asked Potato Head.

"What is this, some kind of _Jackass _episode?" said Slinky.

"One," counted Buzz.

"If he does let go," said Hamm, "I hope there's a toy Woman Wonder waiting below to catch us."

"Two," counted Buzz.

The other toys pleaded Buzz not to do it, but he did.

"Three!" he finished as he and the toys fell down. Down they went. Then Buzz felt like he was actually flying up. "To infinity and beyond!" he cried.

If only he looked below him, he would have known he and the toys were actually on the elevator going up. He saw they were approaching the top floor. He turned his anti-gravity servos off and, when the elevator reached the floor, he got off.

The toys got off the elevator. They felt awful.

"I feel sick," moaned Rex.

"That was rougher than the Cyclone at Six Flags," moaned Slinky.

Potato Head threw up. The plastic puke was like it had been made by Playskool. "Hey, look, kids can now play with it," he said happily.

"Don't worry," said Buzz. "Y'all feel better pretty soon. Now let's move." The mad space toy went on ahead.

"Remind me to glue… no, nail or… make sure his helmet is stuck with concrete when we get back," Potato Head said to Hamm, as they feebly walked away.

* * *

Buzz and the team had been walking through the long vent for ages. They decided to take a break.

Buzz opened his log wrist. "Mission Log: Still haven't found Zurg or his wooden captive."  
Then they heard a loud noise.

"It's Woody!" cried Slinky.

"This way!" cried Buzz. He and the toys went to the end of the vent. They couldn't see through the grid.

Buzz took one of Potato Head's eyes and popped it through the grid.

"I can't see," said Potato Head. "Because I have crap eyes and I can't see without glasses."  
"Anything from his arse?" asked Buzz.

Rex, Hamm and Slinky were searching for Potato Head's spare bits. They weren't looking at what they were doing.

"I can't believe doctors get paid for feeling people's asses," said Rex.

"Just find a bit already!" snapped an impatient Buzz.

"Found it," said Slinky. He got out Potato Head's plastic monocle.

Buzz put it on Potato Head's eye.

"Ah, that's much better," sighed Potato Head.

"Now what do you see?" asked Buzz.

"Well, I see… Oh, I see some very nice curtains and a green case with a man's underwear and – "

"Any sign of Woody?" snapped Slinky.

"Yep," replied Potato Head. "It looks like they're torturing him. WHAT?"

"What are we gonna do, Buzz?" asked Rex.

"Use your god awful ugly head!" replied Buzz.

* * *

Soon Buzz, Potato Head, Slinky and Hamm had lifted up Rex and were charging for the grid.

"But I don't wanna use my god awful ugly head!" protested Rex.

But Buzz and the toys used him like jousting. They opened the grid and charged into the room. They couldn't stop and crashed into a cardboard box. They groaned.

"What the hell is going on here?" asked Stinky Pete.

"Buzz! Guys!" cried Woody happily. "How did you find me?"

"Watch your sexy ass!" yelled Buzz as he pushed him down for protection.

Woody looked up to see Andy's toys attacking his Round-Up gang. "No, hold on!" he cried. "You guys don't understand. These are my friends."

"You got that right, Woody," said Rex. "We're your friends and we're taking these bastards down. And the bitch."

"No, Rex!" snapped Woody. "Those bastards and bitches _are_ my friends as well."  
"Let's just grab Woody and go!" ordered Slinky.

"What about Zurg?" asked Buzz.

"At least you're saving his prisoner," said Hamm, joining in the game. "Now, come on!"

Buzz grabbed Woody and he and Andy's toys began to run back to the air vent when –

"Hold it right there!" ordered a toy.

"Buzz?" cried Woody and Andy's toys. They were looking at another Buzz Lightyear. This one was un-helmeted.

"You again?" said Utility Belt Buzz.

"Woody, thank Morgan Freeman you're all right," said un-helmeted Buzz.

"Buzz, what is going on?" Woody asked both Buzzs.

"I am Buzz Lightyear and I am in charge of this squad," said Utility Belt Buzz, dropping Woody.

"Like hell you are!" snapped un-helmeted Buzz.

"So who's the real Buzz?" asked Woody.

"I am!" Both Buzzes said.

"Don't let this dickhead fool you!" snapped Utility Belt Buzz. "He's been trained by Zurg himself to mimic my each and every move!"

Then he helmet came off and this Buzz was choking for air.

Andy's toys looked at the other Buzz who put his foot out. It had Andy's writing on it.

"BUZZ!" cried the toys happily.

"What the hell happened to you?" asked Potato Head.

* * *

_While the toys were searching for Woody at Al's Toy Barn, Buzz got side-tracked by the Buzz Lightyear aisle. He looked around at all the Buzzes. Then he looked up to see a Buzz Lightyear on a stand. This one had a blue belt around it._

_"This will make me cooler than Mr. Freeze," said Andy's Buzz. "No, wait, that's a villain. Cooler than the Human Touch? Yeah, that's even cooler!"  
He climbed up on the stand and looked at Utility Belt Buzz. "Does my moustache really look like a bend hotdog?" he asked himself. Andy's Buzz looked down and saw the cool belt. He reached for it. Then the Utility Belt Buzz grabbed him and pushed him against the plastic._

_"What the f*** are you doing?" snapped Andy's Buzz._

_"Quiet, scumbag!" ordered Utility Belt Buzz. "You're in direct violation of Code 6404.5 stating that all space rangers are to in hyper-sleep until awakened by authorized personnel."_

_"Oh, God," moaned Andy's Buzz. "I know I wasn't _this_ deluded!"_

_"One more word out of you and I will use a laser which I _do_ have," warned Utility Belt Buzz._

_"What? A laser that's like a light blub?" Andy's Buzz pressed Utility Belt Buzz's laser button which was aimed for his head. _

_Utility Belt Buzz gasped and back-jumped on a plastic moon above Andy's Buzz._

"_How stupid are you?" asked Utility Belt Buzz. "You could have killed me, you space prick! Or should I say, 'Space Bastard'?" He fired his laser at Andy's Buzz._

_Andy's Buzz, now wiser than this complete idiot, was unaffected by this laser firing, literally! "I don't have time for this," he said. He started moving._

"_Halt!" yelled Utility Belt Buzz. "I order you to halt!" But he just saw Andy's Buzz opening the door and heading out. He jumped out too and started attacking him. He knocked poor Andy's Buzz out. _

_When Andy's Buzz woke up, he saw Utility Belt Buzz was tying him up to a Buzz Lightyear spaceship package._

_"Listen to me!" yelled Andy's Buzz. "You're not really a space ranger. You're a goddamn toy! We're all toys! Do you catch my cold?"_

"_No one will catch anything from you now," said Utility Belt Buzz._

_Andy's Buzz wriggled about to try to break free._

"_Oh, save your energy for the court martial," said Utility Belt Buzz, as he put Andy's Buzz on the bottom row. "You're going to need it!"_

_Andy's Buzz continued to wriggle to break free. Then, to increase his horror, he saw his friends telling Utility Belt Buzz to join them on Tour Guide Barbie's car._

"_No, guys!" he shouted through the plastic. "You've got the wrong Buzz! What the hell are you guys doing? Can't you see that's a different Buzz?"_

_They couldn't as they drove off, leaving him behind._

* * *

_Andy's Buzz continued to wriggle and wriggle and wriggle until his 'spaceship' fell off and he managed to get himself out. He freed himself and heard Al happily singing. He peeked around the corner of the aisle and saw Al. He even saw Rex's tail hanging out of his bag. _

_Buzz tried to reach Al by chasing him to the entrance, but because he wasn't fit enough, Al went outside his shop and the doors closed in on Buzz._

"_Oh, damn!" he yelled angrily. "Why didn't I keep up with the Star Command fitness programme? Oh, wait! I'm turning back into that idiot now! Now his house could be miles and miles and miles and – Huh, across the road?" _

_Buzz saw Al's car was just across the road. He looked up to see some toy games. He climbed to the top, made the boxes fall to the doors, which made them opened, and ran out._

_He crossed the road using a traffic cone. There were no cars this time, because of the traffic jam he and his friends had caused earlier, but he did manage to cause an entire bike marathon race to crash!_

_He reached Al's Penthouse and quickly saw Rex's footprints on the ground leading to the air vent. So he went in and quickly found the elevator. When it went up, he caught the bottom of it and rode all the way up top. He climbed and squeeze through the elevator to reach the vent and he ran to the end of the vent where…_

* * *

"…I found where my best friend begin," finished Andy's Buzz.

Utility Belt Buzz managed to close his helmet. "Will someone please explain what's going on?" he asked.

"It's all right, space ranger," said Andy's Buzz. Then he whispered to him. "It's a code 911."

"You mean it's a – "

"Yeah!"

"And he's a – "

"Hell, yes!" replied Andy's Buzz.

Utility Belt Buzz stood before Woody and gave him a Nazi salute. "_Mein Furher_!" he said.

Woody felt uneasy about this.

"I tried to get him to say, 'Your Majesty', just like in the movie," said Andy's Buzz. "But back to business. Woody, you're in danger. We need to leave now."  
"Al's selling you to a new toy museum," said Rex. "In China!"

"It's Japan," Slinky corrected him.

"I thought it was in North Korea," said Hamm. "Or South Korea."

"Whatever," said Potato Head. "All Asians look the same to me."  
"I actually want to go, Buzz," said Woody.

The shocked toys gasped. Potato Head's lips fell out of his potato body. _This_ was not the Woody they knew and love.

"The thing is," went on Woody, "I'm a rare Sheriff Woody doll and these guys are my round-up gang. From my own show!"

He ran to the TV remote that was lying on the floor and he turned the TV on with it. All the toys saw _Woody's Round-up_ on the TV. "See? That's me! And you should've have seen all this merchandise that just got packed up. There was a record player, a yo-yo, a lunch box and I even had my own breakfast cereal."

"Not to mention all the little girls had been wearing him as underwear and bikinis," added Bullseye.

"Woody, cut the crap and let's beat it," said Andy's Buzz.

"Nah, Buzz," Woody sighed. "I can't go. These guys need me to get into the museum. Otherwise they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever."

"Woody, you're not a collector's item," said Andy's Buzz. "Or an ornament. Or some piece of crap written by Shakespeare many years ago. You're a child's play thing. You are a goddamn toy!"

"Yeah? For how much longer?" asked Woody. "One more rip and Andy's done with me! And what will I do then, Buzz, huh? You tell me!"

"Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life is only worth living if you'd been loved by a kid," Andy's Buzz told him. "Just look at Crap Buzz over there. See what you've done to me."

"Well, think of it like at the end of the first _Men In Black_ movie," said Woody, "when K said to J that he was trying a replacement, not a partner. And since you wasted your time coming here, you did do a damn good job leading our friends here. So I'd say you'd fit the bill." He turned around, not facing Andy's Buzz or his friends.

"Let's beat it, everyone," said Andy's Buzz.

The toys asked about Woody.

"Didn't you hear?" snapped Andy's Buzz. "He said he's not coming with us!"

They all made their way to the air vent. Andy's Buzz turned around to see Woody, who in return looked at him.

"If you are taking this _Men in Black_ joke seriously," said Woody, "why don't you flash me with the MIB neuralyzer? And not the toy one."

Andy's Buzz got out a MIB neuralyzer, put his MIB glasses on and aimed it at Woody. Then he turned it off and took off his MIB glasses off. "No, at least you'll remember us and the good times while you're watching kids behind glasses all your life and never being loved again or raping any more dolls. Some life!"

With that, Andy's Buzz turned around, went into the air vent and angrily slammed the grid behind him.


	8. Evil Emperor Zurg

Sheriff Woody was feeling very depressed. He had just given up his chance to be with Andy and all of his friends again.

"Good going, Woody," said Stinky Pete. "I thought those poor, filthy weirdoes would never leave."

But Woody wasn't listening to him. His attention was focused on the TV showing an episode of _Woody's Roundup_. He sat down on a roll of duct tape and watched the episode.

On the TV, the puppet Woody was standing outside the town's saloon, looking depressed. All his friends came to him.

"What's up, Sheriff Woody?" asked Jessie.

"I don't think I'm a good role model," said Woody. "I know I catch robbers and make sure the town is running smoother than a baby's ass. But I feel bad for drinking and cheating on a lot of women."

"Well, nobody is perfect," said Jessie.

"Yeah, little children look up to you for the good things," said Stinky Pete, "and they will forgive and forget your flaws."

"People will also forgive for all the accidents I do all because I'm your horse," said Bullseye. "And I don't mean breaking the gates or stepping on dead people from a massacre."

The real-life Sheriff Woody doll couldn't believe what he saw. "I can't believe I came from this show. I don't want recognition for this." He got up and headed for the air vent. "Buzz! Buzz!"  
"Where are you going?" asked Stinky Pete.

"You're right, Prospector," said Woody. "I can't stop Andy from growing up, but I wanna cock up his childhood the way this TV show cocked up mine."

Woody ran to the air vent and opened the grid. "BUZZ!" he cried.

"Yes?" said both Andy's Buzz and Utility Belt Buzz.

"I'm coming with you!" exclaimed Woody happily.

"Way to go, Cowboy!" smiled Andy's Buzz. All the other toys cheered.

"Wait! I'll be back in just a second!" Woody ran back to his roundup gang. "Hey, you guys, come with me. Andy will play with all of us, I promise."

Jessie looked sad and unsure about the idea. "Woody, I – I don't know."

"I know you're still thinking about Emily, Jessie," said Woody, "but I'm sure you being played with other kids is what she would have wanted. I mean, why would she put you in that donation box?" Then he turned to Bullseye. "What do you say, Bullseye?"  
"I don't know," the horse said. "I don't even remember my owner. I don't even remember if I did have an owner."  
Woody went to Stinky Pete's box. "So, Prospector, what do you say?" It was back to front, so he turned it around and saw no prospector in it.

Then a clang came from the air grid.

"You're outta your box!" exclaimed Woody.

Woody was right. Stinky Pete was out of his box and screwing the screws of the air vent grid tightly.

"I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures," said Stinky Pete. "However, I do owe you one. Never realise being outta that box does you good."

He turned the TV off by pressing the remote with his pick.

"It was you who turned the TV off, wasn't it?" snapped Woody.

"And you framed me?" Jessie was very angry. "Sweet Whitney Houston, Prospector! This isn't fair."

"Well, if life was fair, why would I be standing on my ass on a dime-store shelf watching every toy being sold?" asked Stinky Pete. "Well, I say who needs children? They are smelly, disgusting, selfish, and ugly! If you were around when Andy was in diapers, Woody, didn't the whole place stink up?"

"Well, he did, but – "

"Well, we don't have to worry about that now," went on Stinky Pete. "We can just sit in clean glass cases all of lives and not worry about getting germs or illnesses or diseases."

The other toys just looked at him.

"Well," he went on, "we're all going to this museum and no hand-me-down cowboy bastard or bitch doll is gonna mess it up for me now!"

"Buzz!" Woody ran to the air vent. "Buzz! It's stuck!"

"Don't tell me I'll have to use my head again!" said Rex.

"What else can do?" asked Slinky.

"How about we pray?" suggested Potato Head. He tried to get down on his knees, but since he had no knees, his loose pieces fell all over the place. His two white arms crawled to each other and went together in a hand praying position.

"Please, Oh, Lord," said the lips of Potato Head. "Please don't let Al take Woody."  
Then they heard footsteps coming toward the door.

"It's Al!" cried Woody.

"Where's your messiah now, Potato Head?" chuckled Slinky.

One of Potato Head's arms gave him a middle finger.

The Roundup Gang went limp as Al came in. "Look at the time!" he cried. "I'm gonna be late! And all because of that queue at the MacDonald's Drive Thru! Now, let's see if I've got everything. Wallet. Keys. Passport. A huge bag of Lays potato chips. My complete _Batman_ DVD collection. Shower." He sniffed himself. "Oh, let's skip the shower! I've got to get out of here now!" He put the roundup gang in his green suitcase and headed out of the door.

* * *

The toys in the air vent had watched the whole thing.

"Quick! To the elevator!" ordered Andy's Buzz. They all ran to the elevator. They were just in time to see the elevator come up. But the top wasn't clear.

"So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time," said the figure.

"It's Zurg!" cried Utility Belt Buzz and Rex together.

"Look out!" cried Rex. "He's got an ion blaster!"

Rex was not wrong! The Evil Emperor Zurg toy pulled out his ion blaster and fired at the toys. Utility Belt Buzz jumped over Zurg, landed on the elevator and fired his red laser at his face.

Then the elevator started to go down.

"Quick! Get on!" ordered Andy's Buzz. He got on the cable, followed by Slinky, Hamm and Potato Head who got squashed by a falling Rex.

"The emergency hatch!" yelled Andy's Buzz. He and the toys went to the hatch and tried to open it.

Only Rex didn't help. "But what about Buzz #2?" he asked.

"He's busy keeping Zurg away from our asses," Andy's Buzz said. "He'll be all right."  
Rex saw that Utility Belt Buzz was. Was spinning around by Zurg's finger, that was! "Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!" said Zurg, as he threw him.

"What was that in English?" asked Utility Belt Buzz.

"I said, 'I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate'," replied Zurg.

"Well, that's fine," said Utility Belt Buzz. "That makes a lot of – W-W-H-H-H-A-A-A-T-T-T-T does that make us?"

"Absolutely nothing!" answered Zurg. "Which is what you are about to become!" Zurg aimed his gun at Buzz.

"Does my last thing in my life have to be a _Spaceballs_ reference?" asked Utility Belt Buzz.

"Ah, I can't look!" cried Rex, as he turned around not wanting to watch. Little did he realise his tail pushed Zurg to the other side of the elevator and fell off!

Rex looked down as he saw Zurg falling down in darkness. "I did it!" he cried happily. "I finally defeated Zurg! I can't tell you how many times I tried on the video game," he said to utility Belt Buzz.

* * *

Meanwhile, the rest of Andy's toys opened the elevator hatch. Hamm and Potato Head held Andy's Buzz as he held Slinky's back legs. Slinky stretched with his slinky to reach the green case. Luckily, Al was too impatient waiting for the lift to go down to notice the toy dog behind him.

"Hurry up!" Al snapped. "I could've watched a whole episode of _Fairy Odd Parents_!"

Slinky managed to reach the case, undo the clips and open the case. Woody saw Slinky. "Oh, it's you, is it?" said Woody.

"Either you come with me or you go to Japan," Slinky said. "Your choice!"

Then the bell rang and the elevator doors opened.

"About time, too!" snapped Al, as he began to walk out.

Woody grabbed Slinky's paws and was almost out, but Stinky Pete grabbed Woody and pushed Slinky away. The dog watched Stinky Pete slam Woody back into the green case.

All the toys fell down. The doors of the building were closing behind so Potato Head quickly threw his hat to stop the doors completely closing. That gave the chance for all the toys to walk out.

"How are we going to get him now?" asked Rex.

"Pizza, anyone?" said Potato Head.

The toys turned around to see a Pizza Planet truck.

"Go! Go! Go!" ordered Buzz.

"Well done, Potato Head, for stopping that door shutting and for pointing out the Pizza Planet truck," Potato Head said to the others sarcastically.

Andy's Buzz bumped into Utility Belt Buzz. "Buzz, are you coming?" asked Andy's Buzz.

"No, I have a lot of catching up to do with my dad's bro's neph's cous' roommate," said Utility Belt Buzz. He threw one of Zrug's yellow balls and it hit his head.

"Good throw, pal," said Zurg. "I haven't had this much from your relative or relatives. You know, we could start a new good vs. evil campaign called 'Zurg and Lightyear'. What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me," said Utility Belt Buzz.

Andy's Buzz just shook his head and smiled. "Farewell," said Andy's Buzz, giving the other Buzz the Vulcan salute. Then he turned to Zurg, giving him the salute. "And farewell to you, my dad's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." Then he went to join the toys at the Pizza Planet Truck.


	9. At the Airport

The toys got into the Pizza Truck.

"I'll drive," said Buzz. "Slink, take the pedals. Rex, you navigate. Hamm and Potato Head, operate the levers and knobs."

"Excuse me," coughed a coughing voice. They looked up to see three Pizza Planet aliens hanging from the ceiling.

"This Pizza Planet truck doesn't belong to you," said the second one.

"Hey, put a cough in it, all right?" snapped Buzz. "We don't have time for charities today. Rex, any sign?"  
"Well, all I can see is Al's car at a red light," reported Rex.

"Punch it, Slink!" ordered Buzz.

Slink pushed the accelerator down, but the truck didn't move.

"Why won't it go?" yelled Buzz. "Rex, how is he?"  
"I think he's in a hurry to get to the airport," said Rex.

"Oh, that's not good," said Buzz. Then he realise what Rex told him. "No, whereabouts is he?"

"I think he went a couple of traffic lights ago," said Rex.

"If only I could get this thing going!" snapped Buzz.

"Use the wand of power," coughed the ill aliens together.

"What?" Potato Head said.

"The gear stick behind ya, you twit!" snapped one alien.

Potato Head turned around and pulled it back. And the truck was off!

"Rex, which way?" asked Buzz as he steered the wheel.

"Left," said Rex. "No, he's turning left. I mean, right! He's going back right!"

"We may need some help, Hamm!" cried Buzz.

"How can we get help?" asked Hamm.

"This thing has Bluetooth!" snapped Buzz. "Use the phone and call for help!"

"Okay," said Hamm. He got the mobile phone and dialled 999. "Hello, I need in assistance of the Batmobile, James Bond's Aston Martin – the _Goldfinger_ version – the Ecto-1, the A-Team van and the Gadgetmobile.

"Buzz, he's turning left!" screamed Rex.

Buzz quickly turned the wheel around so fast that the truck jerked around the corner. That caused the string that held the aliens together to snap off and they were heading out of the window.

"No time for puns or anything to slow down now," said Potato Head. "Time for me to be a hero now."  
He reached the window and caught the string holding the aliens outside the truck.

Rex told Buzz to go right so the truck went right and Potato Head's fat arms managed to pull them up to safety inside the truck.

The aliens were even freed from the string.

"You have saved our lives, kind sir!" said the aliens. "We are eternally grateful!"

"Yeah, well, don't mention it," said Potato Head, walking away.

* * *

The Pizza Planet truck finally arrived at the Tri-County International Airport and parked on a zebra crossing.

"Guys, we can't park here!" said Rex. "It's the white zone!"

"Like at the _Airport!_" said Slinky. "It's from the movie, _Airport!_ Get it?"  
"You have saved our asses, kind sir," said the aliens to Potato Head. "You have our deepest gratitude."

"There he is," Buzz pointed out, spotting Al at the check-in counters.

The space toy looked around to find a way to get in the airport unnoticed and he found one.

The airport entrance opened to an airport pet carriage that walked in, unnoticed by the passengers. Not even noticing Buzz's legs carrying it inside.

"You have saved our souls, kind sir," said the aliens. "How can we ever thank you?"

"By pissing off and taking your diseases with you!" snapped a frustrated Potato Head.

Buzz took the pet carriage to the conveyor belt behind the check-in officer Al was dealing with.

"Now, listen, fly boy," snapped Al. "The contents of that case is my last chance for glory. You got it, sport!"

"I understand, Mr. McWhiggin," said the check-in officer. "I've seen _Batman_ and remember the lessons you taught me."  
"Did you see _I'll be a Mummy's Uncle_?" asked Al. "That's one of my favourites."

The check-in officer didn't reply.

The pet carrier was right behind Al's green case.

"Once we go through, we just need to find that case," Buzz told the toys.

"That shouldn't be a problem," said Potato Head. "As long as that's the only case and no more."

But there was a lot more suitcases on the maze of conveyor belts.

"Oh," moaned Potato Head.

Down they went on the conveyor belt. They crashed into a big brown case and that sent them out of the carrier.

"There's the case!" pointed out Slinky.

"No, there's the case!" cried out Hamm.

"No, there's the case!" pointed out Potato Head. He was pointing to a courtroom play set with the judge, the lawyers and the jury moving along the belt.

"This case is closed!" said the judge, as he banged his gravel.

"Your Honour," said one of the lawyers. "We have no one on trail."

"You take that one," ordered Buzz to all the toys except Slinky who ran with him. "We'll take this one."

Potato Head, Hamm, Rex and the aliens ran after the green case they saw. They caught and opened it.

"Woody!" they cried.

But Woody wasn't in it. They were disappointed, except Hamm.

"Nice hot babes in those _Playboy_ magazines, though!" he said.

"Another green case!" cried Rex, as he pointed to another green case. They ran after it and discovered that the case had…

"The complete career of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer?" cried Hamm. "On DVD? What the f***?"

The toys saw plenty of green cases, but there was a case of girls' underwear, a case worth of two million dollars (which they took), a case of electric eels in water and a case of weapons.

"What kind of airport allows people to put weapons in cases?" asked Slinky.

"It says this case belongs to James Bond, Secret Agent 007 of MI6," Rex said on the case of weapons.

* * *

Buzz and Slinky kept their eyes on the case they were chasing. Buzz could jump over the cases easily. Slinky did well at first, but after about five cases, his ass got stuck behind the handle of a suitcase. The luggage his feet were stuck on was going into a different lane.

"Buzz, my ass is going to Burma!" yelled Slinky.

"Say hi to Rambo from me!" Buzz cried back, before he ran past more cases. Finally, he caught up to the green case. "Ok, Woody, let's get the hell outta here!" he cried, as he opened the case.

But it wasn't Woody he met first. It was Stinky Pete who punched him in the face. Poor Buzz went over the belt.

"Take that, space dust-sucker!" shouted the evil prospector.

"Hey, no one does that to my friend!" yelled Woody.

He pushed Stinky Pete out of the case and he tried to hit him, but the fat bastard pushed Woody away. Stinky Pete stood before Woody and cut his arm with his pick.

Woody gasped. "What the hell was that for?" he snapped.

"To persuade you to get back in the box together if you don't want to be in pieces," said Stinky Pete. "Because if he fixed ya once, he can do it again. Now, get in the box!"

"Oh, that's really persuasive," said Woody. "Threatening me with your plastic pick?"  
"How about this plastic money to get in the box?" said Stinky Pete, getting plastic five cents out of his pockets.

"Like I'm stupid enough to believe that," scoffed Woody.

"How about a lifetime of Japanese beers?"

"Drinking when I'm depressed? Come on!"  
"You can hump a lot of Japanese dolls."

"None of them will be like china doll babe Bo," Woody said.

"Then you leave me no choice." Stinky Pete raised his pick up. Then he got hit by a bullet. Fluff came out. Woody looked to see Buzz and his friends on the belt above was firing guns at Stinky Pete.

"This is better than flashing him with the cameras in the movie," said Potato Head. "I always hated Stinky Pete and this is making me feel good."

"But what's Bond going to say when he sees that these weapons are out of ammo?" asked Slinky.

"Q will get him more," said Rex.

At the bottom of his gun was a key ring with a toy version of Q (the Desmond Llewelyn version) on it.

"You guys are worse than 007," said Q.

Buzz and his friends jumped down and kept firing at Stinky Pete. Buzz finally caught the bastard prospector.

"You assholes!" Stinky Pete snapped. "Children destroy toys. You'll all be ruined, forgotten, squished, squashed and f*****! Spending eternity, rotting and getting raped by diseased whore toys in some landfill!"

"Well, Stinky Pete," said Woody, "if that's what you really think, I think it's time you learned the true meaning of playtime. Right over there, guys!"

"Oh, God, no!" cried Stinky Pete, as Buzz took him closer and closer to something. "Oh, please, God, no! Anything but that! NO!"

* * *

At the baggage claim, a pink Barbie bag came out with Stinky Pete on it.

"Look, Barbie!" exclaimed a little girl, who was the owner of the bag. "A big ugly man doll. Eww! Does he need a makeover or what?"

She slipped Barbie into the bag next to Stinky Pete and then she put her bag on her back. Stinky Pete came to life and was shivering nervously.

"Hi," greeted Barbie. "Don't worry, you'll really like Amy. She's an artist. She's the new Annie Leibovtiz!"

"The new Annie Leibovtiz?" And Stinky Pete started crying as Amy walked to join her parents.

* * *

"I wish you a living hell with that little terror, Prospector," said Woody.

"Woody, we need some help over here!" cried Hamm.

The toys were lifting the green case high enough for the rest of the roundup toys to get out. Bullseye got out.

"Free at last, man!" sighed Bullseye.

"How the Halle Berry am I suppose to get out of here?" asked Jessie, as she tried to get out.

"Jessie!" cried Woody.

Woody tried to pull Jessie out, but the green case was already down the chute and ready to be put on the baggage cart.

"Come on, Buzz!" cried Woody as he and his best buddy jumped on Bullesye.

"Ride like the wind, Bullseye!" ordered Woody.

"All right, just like in the damn boring show, said Bullseye. "Only this is more exciting and more thrilling!"

Bullseye slid down the chute and off. He gave chase to the trolley.

"Giddy Up!" yelled Woody.

"Come on, Bullseye, yah!" yelled Buzz.

"If I'm so slow," moaned Bullseye, "why don't you try it? I can't go no faster!"

"Buzz, get me a boost!" ordered Woody, as he climbed onto the space ranger's shoulders. He was trying to grab one of the name tags from one of the cases from the fourth baggage cart. He finally caught it and was flying on it.

"Woody!" cried Buzz, as Woody moved away from him and Bullseye.

Woody climbed up on the tag. He was finally on top of the cases. He looked ahead and saw the green case was in the first cart. He ran to reach the end of the fourth cart. While he was running, he met a bunch of exotic Tribe toys armed with bows and arrows.

"Not today, guys," said Woody, as he passed them.

Then he jumped over the third cart, avoiding the snapping crocodiles, and landing on the second one. He ran for the first cart.

"I feel good!" exclaimed Woody. "All this exercise is doing me good. Better than when Andy's playing with me. I'm starting to regret going back to him."  
"Hey, you're talking and thinking like Stinky Pete, you know, man," cried Bullseye.

"Oh, my god," cried Woody. "He's right!"

Then he jumped into the first cart before the truck towing the whole pile stopped. The green case was being loaded onto the plane already. It was followed by a golf bag. The zip of the little pocket opened and Woody came out, but he was being held by two teddy bears dressed in golf gear.

"Don't go!" said one of the bears.

"Yeah, we'll have lots of fun," said the second one.

Woody managed to shake them off.

"We need company!" cried the bears together.

"You guys have got each other, you homo bears," said Woody, running to the green case.

"Yeah, he's right, you know," said the second bear to the first bear, looking at him romantically.

The first bear slapped him. "I'm _not_ gay, you know!"

Woody reached the green case, undid the clips and opened the case. There Jessie was, with her eyes shut tight and dead scared.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," said Woody, "but I believe you're on the wrong flight."  
"Woody!" exclaimed Jessie, hugging him.

"Come on, Jess," said Woody, "let's get the hell outta here."  
"But what if Andy doesn't like me?" asked Jessie.

"Then I'm sure his little sister Molly will have you," said Woody.

* * *

_Molly was in a supermarket trolley being pushed around by her mother. They were in at the doll store._

_"Oh, look, sweetie," said Mrs. Davis. "Aren't they pretty?"_

_"Are you kidding me, Mother?" snapped Molly. "I maybe a girl baby, but even you should know these dolls are too babyish even for _me_! What do I look to you, three years old?"_

* * *

Back on the plane, Woody and Jessie was trying to get off the plane, but the baggage man was still picking up more baggage.

"Hold it!" he cried, as he left the cargo hold. "There are a couple more bags coming from the terminal."

"Okay, on three," said Woody to Jessie. "One, two…"

Then the hatch closed down and the plane started up!

"Damn!" snapped Woody. "I should've said 'three' first."  
"How the hell are we gonna get off this metal bird?" asked Jessie.

Woody looked ahead. He saw a hatch above the landing gear wheel. "This way, come on!"  
Woody and Jessie went to the hatch and they took it off.

"Are you sure about this?" asked Jessie.

"No! Let's go!" ordered Woody, making his way.

"I thought 'no' means 'don't go'!" said Jessie.

"You want to fall to the ground and get squashed by the plane?" asked Woody. "That's why they did this thing in the movie and that's why we're doing it now."  
Jessie joined Woody down to the landing gear.

"Nice and easy," said Woody. "Clear. Clear. It's all clear. It's all…" Then he slipped on some tar. "…not so clear. It's very slippery!"

He fell off, but Jessie caught him. "Hold on, Woody!"

His arm ripped more as if Geri the cleaner had never fix his arm back on. Then his hat flew off, but it was caught.

"You know you look like an absolute idiot without your hat," said Buzz, riding on Bullseye, near the wheel.

Woody saw a little nut above the wheel. "Buzz, get behind the tyres!"

As Buzz and Bullseye did, Woody pulled out as much as all his pull-string could do and threw it on the nut. "Jessie, let go of the plane!"

"What? You are sick in the head?"

"Just pretend it's the final episode of _Woody's Roundup_," said Woody.

"With the gold mine and the dynamite?" Jessie pointed out. "And where's Stinky Pete?"

"Which one is more daring and more awesome?" asked Woody. "The puppet Woody rescuing the puppet Jessie in that puppet show? Or us, the real Woody and the real Jessie getting out of real life trouble?"  
Jessie let go of the plane and they swooped down to Buzz and Bullseye. The ring of Woody's pull string came off and he and Jessie managed to land behind Buzz on Bullseye. They watched the plane fly off.

"We did it!" cried Jessie. "That was definitely _Woody's Finest Hour_! And more exciting than the complete TV series on DVD."

"Your hat, partner," smiled Buzz, giving Woody his hat.

"Thanks for all the trouble you pulled through for me, pal," said Woody, shaking his hand.

Then a plane shot past them. They were all stunned by the impact.

"Let's go home," said Woody.

"Way ahead of you already, Woody," cried Hamm, as he and the rest of the toys were on the baggage cart.

"So are these mentally and physically diseased aliens!" moaned Potato Head.


	10. Welcome Home, Andy!

"Yee-haw!" cried Andy, as the Davis' car drove in on their driveway.

Andy wasted no second getting to his bedroom. He stood on a chair to reach the shelf where he put Woody on before he left for camp.

"Hey, Woody!" he cried. "Did you miss me?" But Woody wasn't on the shelf. "Woody?"

He looked behind to see Woody, Buzz and all his toys including new ones like Jessie and Bullseye and the Pizza Hutt aliens on his bed. 'Welcome home, Andy!' was written on Etch.

"Oh, wow!" exclaimed Andy. "New toys! Thanks, mom!" He picked up Woody, Bullseye, Jessie and Buzz and played with them.

While Andy was playing with those toys, Hamm, Slinky, Rex and Potato Head came alive. "After all the trouble we've been through to get Woody back home and give Jessie and Bullseye a new home, he gives thanks to his mom?" moaned Potato Head. "We get no thanks at all."

"Think about it, Potato Brain," snapped Hamm. "Andy's been at Cowboy Camp this weekend and doesn't know about our adventures."

"Besides Woody thanked all of us for saving us," said Slinky. "Including me."

_On their way back to 234 Elm Street, on the baggage cart, Woody was thanking every toy who saved him. Then he turned to Slinky. Woody checked to see if the other toys were watching him, where they _were.

_Woody sighed and turned to face Slinky. "Slink, you never gave me anything to make you think you were more than a… plastic… dog… toy. But today you proved me wrong. After what you did for me this weekend, I've had a change of heart." All the toys cheered._

_"Well, when I said heart, I meant I've changed a few of my veins," said Woody. "A few. That's all."_

* * *

A few days later, everyone felt bright as the sun shone in Andy's room, especially Andy.

"Andy, come on, hon," said Andy's Mom. "Time for school. Hey, you fixed Woody!"

"Yeah," smiled Andy, looking at Woody with his new-fixed arm. "Glad I decided not to take him to camp; his whole arm might have come off."  
Andy closed the door behind him.

Woody came to alive. "Well, what do you know?" he smiled.

"Well, I know before he left you behind on Friday," said Rex, "I remember you saying, 'Going to summer camp without me? Well, f*** you! See if I care!'"

"Not so loud, Rex!" snapped Woody. "I was angry; I didn't mean it! And I don't think Andy needs to hear that, thank you!"

"Well, I'm glad you're back, Woody," said Bo Peep. "But I'm a bit disappointed you're on steroids."

"I'm not on steroids, Bo," said Woody, showing his new strong arm with a muscle. "Andy fixed me up and he put fluff in my arm to make me look strong."  
"You look like a muscle-bound fool," said Bo. "Like Mr. T!"

"What ya talkin' about, fool?" snapped a toy version of Mr. T.

Meanwhile, Mr. Potato Head was with Mrs. Potato Head.

"Why the hell haven't you paid these bills?" snapped Mr. Potato Head.

"Because instead of working and earning money, you left me alone to go find the big boss and leave me to do all the housework!" yelled Mrs. Potato Head.

"What housework?" snapped Mr. Potato Head. "We don't even have a house!"

"You have saved our skins, kind sir," said the Pizza Planet aliens. "We are forever in your debt."

"And now you bring home three more mouths to feed!" went on Mrs. Potato Head.

"Yes, I wish I didn't save their lives now, all right?" snapped Mr. Potato Head.

"You saved their lives?" asked Mrs. Potato Head. "Well, that does make you a hero. And they're so adorable, despite their diseases. Oh, what the hell! Let's adopt them!"  
"What?" cried Mr. Potato Head. "Now, wait a minute!"

"DADDY!" cried the three aliens hugging him.

"Oh, no!" moaned Mr. Potato Head.

"Hey, Potato Head," cried Hamm. "Maybe this will cheer you up." He turned the volume and everyone could see and hear Al in front of his Toy Barn on TV. He wasn't in his chicken suit; he was in his hobo suit – literally.

"Welcome to Al's New Crappy Toy Barn," said Al. "We have the lowest prices and the crappiest toys in town. Everything for a buck, buck, buck!" And he began to sob. "I lost everything else: my biggest deal of all time, my penthouse and my virginity to a Japanese prostitute."

Then Wheezy came squeaking by.

"Wheezy, you're finally fixed," cried Woody.

"Yeah, I feel like the opposite of crap," said Wheezy.

"Does this mean I can treat like crap just like old days for old time sake?" asked Woody.

"After I sing my song first," said Wheezy. He grabbed up the microphone from Mr. Mike and sang _You've Got a Friend in Me_. But with his geeky voice, everyone hated his singing.

Buzz flipped his helmet on. "Now I won't be hear that awful singing." He turned around and bumped into Jessie. "Oh, sorry, ma'am," he said.

Jessie just put his arms around the space ranger toy. "Just called me Jessie, Buzz," she said lustfully.

Buzz was falling into her arms, literally. Then he noticed the audience was watching. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty!"

All the toys gathered around in the middle of Andy's room to see a toy version of Conway Twitty singing _It's Only Made Believe_. Woody and Buzz with Bo and Jessie stood on Andy's desk watching Twitty sing.


	11. Credits

"And that's the _Family Guy_ version of _Toy Story 2_," smiled a sleepily Peter.

Everyone yawned as they cheered and slowly clapped their hands.

"Great, Peter!" yawned Lois.

"Hmm!" snapped Roger. "I could tell a better story than that."  
"Why don't you write one?" suggested Hayley.

"Because – " Roger tried to think of an answer, but he fell asleep.

"Because you can't write a good story, can you?" Hayley chuckled. "You can't even tell _really_ good stories from your own mouth!"

"Hey, dad," yawned Chris. "Do we have time for _Toy Story 3_?"

"I'm too tired, Chris," said Peter. "It will have to wait another day, but I promise you it won't be eleven years like the real movie."  
"Or maybe _I_ could retell that _Buzz Lightyear of Star Command_ TV pilot movie," said Cleveland.

Everyone remained silent.

"_You_ can tell that," said Peter, "to your _Cleveland Show_ characters."

"Yeah, to your _Cleveland Show_ characters!" agreed Stan.

"Hey, guys, the park is reopening!" cried Brian.

Everyone turned to see the gates opening and people rushing in. The Griffins, the Swansons, the Smiths and the Browns all ran out.

"Wait!" cried Lois. "Where's Quagmire?"

Peter and Lois turned around to see Quagmire chasing hot chicks around Quahog Waves.

"Once a Quagmire, always a Quagmire," smiled Peter.

THE END

(But check out the upcoming sequel: _Even Older and Even Newer_)

* * *

**Cast List**

Toys

Glenn Quagmire as Woody

Cleveland Brown as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz Lightyear

Donna Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Jessie

Rallo Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Bullseye

Carter Pewterschmidt as Stinky Peter the Prospector

Peter Griffin as Mr. Potato Head

Lois Griffin as Mrs. Potato Head

Chris Griffin as Rex

Brian Griffin as Slinky Dog

Carl as Hamm

Neil Goldman as Wheezy

Ernie the Giant Chicken as Evil Emperor Zurg

Mort Goldman as Lenny

Jillian as Bo Peep

Phineas and Barnaby as Rocky and Barnaby Gibraltar

Steve as RC

Tom Tucker as Etch

Captain Monty (from _American Dad!_) as Mr. Spell

Seamus as Mr. Shark

Santos and Pasqual as Snake and Robot

A Barrow of Evil Monkeys

Stan Smith (from _American Dad!_) as Sarge

Jeremy as Aliens

Connie D'Amico, Lisa, Hayley Smith (from _American Dad!_), Lisa Silver (from _Aemrican Dad!_), Lindsay Coolidge (from _American Dad!_) and Roberta Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as the Al's Toy Barn's Barbie dolls

Meg Griffin as Tour Guide Barbie

Humans and Animals

Johnny Collins (from _American Dad!_) as Andy

Olivia as Molly

Lisa Collins (from _American Dad!_) as Andy's Mom

Jeff Fischer (from _American Dad!)_ as Buster the dachshund

Herbert the Pervert as Geri the Cleaner

Adam West as Al McWhiggin

Barb Hanson as Emily

Cameos

Buster Edwards (toy)

Buster Mills (toy)

Buster Keaton (toy)

Buster Ramsey (toy)

Buster Bunny (toy from _Tiny Toons Adventures_)

Babs Bunny (toy from _Tiny Toons Adventures_)

Fifi La Fume (toy from _Tiny Toons Adventures_)

Jesus Christ (real life)

Barabbas (real life)

Pontius Pilate (real life)

Marlin (real life from _Finding Nemo_)

Dory (real life from _Finding Nemo_)

Michael Scofield (toy from _Prison Break_)

Lincoln Burrows (toy from _Prsion Break_)

Flik (real-life from _A Bug's Life_)

Heimlich (real-life from _A Bug's Life_)

_Millennium Falcon _(toy from _Star Wars_)

James Bond (toy from James Bond)

Peter Venkham (real life from _Ghostbusters_)

Ray Stanz (real life from _Ghostbusters_)

Egon Spengler (real life from _Ghostbusters_)

Winston Zeddmore (real life from _Ghostbusters_)

Indiana Jones (toy from _Indiana Jones_)

Henry Jones Sr. (toy from _Indiana Jones_)

Car Mechanic (toy from _Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade_)

_War of the Worlds _toys

_Jurassic Park _toys

_Germlins _toys

Steven Spielberg (toy)

Rocky Balboa (toy from _Rocky_)

Ivan Drago (toy from _Rocky_)

WALL-E (real life from _WALL-E_)

Spider-man (toy from _Spider-Man_)

Green Goblin (toy from _Spider-Man_)

Q ([Desmond Llewellyn version] from James Bond)

Mr. T (toy)

Conway Twitty (toy)

Credits:

Written by Bobby South

_Family Guy, American Dad! _and _The Cleveland Show _created by Seth Macfarlane

_Family Guy_ co-developed by David Zuckerman

_American Dad! _co-created by Mike Barker and Matt Weiztman

_The Cleveland Show_ co-created by Mike Henry and Richard Appel

Based on_ Toy Story 2,_ story by John Lasseter, Peter Docter, Ash Brannon and Andrew Stanton and screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Rita Hsiao, Doug Chamberlin and Chris Webb


End file.
